whewwwwwwwwww going back over my old blogs and the stories/poems i've composed around that time...its amazing...back then I was so...wild and wildly creative without restraint...hmmmmm that ME was something else *shaking my head* but I embrace that little fey creature that yearned for love and acceptance and when it didn't seem forthcoming...He just retreated in his written fantasies to play grown-up...
It was never easy for her...
She was a quiet woman; no, not the demeaning, wallk-over-me, slap-me-in-the-face-spit-on-me type of quiet, but the type of quiet that hid deep pools of knowledge, strength, intelligence and maternal instincts. She saw it all and lived it all.
I learned so much about moms by watching her and I learned other things about her by listening and picking up like the time I was listening in to Aunt Helenora on the phone one day, I discovered that moms had previously been married to old Harold Latkins from three blocks up the street. It was a match made in hell; or at least thats the way Aunt Helenora told it. Moms was practically married to 'Jack Daniels,' and 'Moonshine;' Hhmm Hmmm, pops Latkins was a drunk and from other accounts a complete throwback to Mike Tyson in terms of beating women.
Aunt Helenora says moms lived with the 'devil' for about 13 years; constantly dealing with his beating her, stealing from her, chasing skirts and of course his favorite past time, drinking. Just standing there and taking all that in...all that information about my moms; who had never let on to anything of the sort, stunned me into silence. Damn!
Auntie went on to say that about five years before I was born, moms had had enough; says one day pops Latkins came home pissy drunk and raised his hand to moms, thoroughly black'nin her eye. From Aunt H's account, moms quietly went to the back of the house through a barrage of curse words and drunken rambling and came back with pops' rifle. She shot him dead! The police couldn't pin anything on her, as it was a simple case of defense. From that time on no one really underestimated or messed with moms.
Finding that out, among other things; left me real impressed with moms and my love for her grew. Moms was a big woman...about 6'1 and 235lbs. My brother Kyle and I used to joke that moms could probably be a linebacker for the Cowboys.
Man those were the days...I just...well loved my old lady like it was going out of style. I looked up to her. Thats probably a funny thing to say coming from a man, but hell! Moms was a superhuman entity...I mean, she was both daddy and momma to my brother and I and that stuck out in my mind for most of my life. She taught us the value of integrity, character, and spirituality. She wasn't perfect...no,no,no, not in the least; but she and Jesus were real tight. She said JC was her best friend, her 'main man,' and we believed that!
It was a sad thing to watch the years rob her of her health, right state of mind, and just her vitality and will to live. The last time I saw moms, she was in Mount Horem Hospital suffering from Pancreatic Cancer. Going to the hospital and seeing her lying there, shrunken and just physically dilapidated; not even one thing to cause me to recognize in her the woman she had been years ago, I just cried and cried. My moms laying there and the shadow of death cradling her in his arms. Damn, I was so furious, just completely upset and mad at God. Why?
Why did she have to deal with this shit? It was funny because through the years and most of my adult life, moms was always right there at the right time; especially when it seemed as though it would be too late, the old girl would show up...just like God; but she woke up that night, weak and near death to tell me don't I ever open up my mouth and make like I would curse God. She told me it wasn't the Father's fault, she had lived a full and happy life and now she simply was ready to go home and be at peace. She went on to let me know that she loved me and that she could now 'go home' because she felt that she had raised Kyle and I right and there wasn't any other reason for her to remain especially when she was so tired.
I hold fast to little thoughts like that. Elvadine 'moms' Robinson died on Mother's day at Mount Horem Hospital around 4am in the morning. I cried, but for some strange reason I was truly at peace. Moms was there with me in memory and heart and what could I do, but live life with her memory.
...Well, Happy Mother's Day moms. Thank you for being you. I love you and...well you know.
©2005
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