Thursday, March 3, 2011

a soul's rant

In a place of wondering...
completed a phone call with mother...listened to some of the
irresponsibilities of my siblings...
sometimes I wonder..what do I do...
even in that moment
i recognize whats ever present,
i simply need Him..
need Him more and more...
need Him with
each passing moment...its something that
can't be put aside
can't be shirked
and definitely can't be ignored...
how does one ignore their source??????
some days
i just don't feel like i'm adequate in Him,
like I don't know
how to operate in Him...truth is I don't fully know...
diggin deep within me to
discover why do
i fight so hard OR what within me fights

so hard against worship...against
BEcoming that very thing...worship/worshipper...what is
it that runs from it...
why is it that I still feel like
I don't know
what to do where that is concerned...approaching thirty...
approaching the gates
of another decade, ive not been
this way before...i don't know this way...
don't know the terrain,
not sure of the weather or climate...i
know I need Him...I know i've got to
settle down
buckle down..get into His groove but I can't help feeling
like I don't know how.
I dislike being in this vein and at the heart of me...i suppose i am waiting in a place
where I want instantaneous results...but you and I both know that
aint plausible...I mean, it can happen if He wills it, but come on...
so here I am...having
completed a conversation with mother...about
the foolish deeds of my siblings and
i'm still left with the hollow air blowing that
says I really don't know if  i'm adequate in You...
don't know how if I know how to
correctly worship You...really interested in
knowing HOW to do it...HOW do I give you what you want...is there a formula?
familiar with
the 'enter into your gates with thanksgiving and courts with praise' then again
i may not be that
familiar with it because I still don't do it.
its my fault and I agree...
i don't put forth the effort...always having a word of knowledge and sometimes
wisdom for others...but still in a place of not knowing...
perhaps being the castaway thats usually spoken
of...bottom line is...
I need You...I need to know how you desire me to
worship you...how do I begin to feel adequate in You...
...I need You...
.....I need you...
......I need  YOU....and my gosh...i've got to get pass the lethargy,
the laziness...and DO!



signed: someonewhodesiresmore





©2011/bloodspeaks

1 comment:

  1. I think this a pure an honest look into one's relationship with God. You're admitting your need for him, recognizing your shortcomings & showing that you don't have it all together, but you're looking to the one who does have it all together. Great piece brother!

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