what a day...

trying to pen a quick one before heading to the house.

its been a day man...well it was alright. This new job is really testing and grooming me for dealing with people in general but actually its making and testing me and whats in me! Rooting out selfishness and self-centeredness and planting service toward my fellow man. My family on the other hand has been tap dancing on my last nerves! So much going on, or it seems like that and all I need is a cup full of clarity. Today I got a call from my brother and he was bitchin like nobody's business about having to take care of my mother etc. its understandable...so I just listened and such and ended up calling my mother who tells me that he got set off because of something she said to him and what she said to him warranted nothing that he was spewing out. She was telling me how he and my sister, twins and both 24 with children, are always double teaming her each time she tells them something. Keep in mind the former post where I told about my mother's situation and how she's bouncing back to wholeness and learning how to walk again. She ended up becoming quite wealthy overnight...literally and bought her a stylish house and car etc. and they are both living with her in Beaumont, Texas which is about 45 minutes to an hour while i'm about an hour to an hour and a half in Lake Charles learning some things I never learned, like being a man and working and doing for myself...learning how to step out and be...and I get flack from them of course because they feel that I should be home; and I agree that I should be there more at least to spend time with moms and even keep her house in order to just be a help, but she and I have an understanding that the job i'm working now has me working evenings mostly from three to eleven or eleven thirty and then sometimes backdooring and working a morning shift from six to three pm so I really don't have off time and most of my off time is only two days...and with my roomate and I lacking transportation at this time...its hard to really get around...she understands this and I do too but of course my siblings don't.

Its so damn frustrating (yes I said damn!)!!!!

Right now I need major Right-wise clarity and direction on what to do. I don't like my mother being in that situation and I kept telling her that we as her children can only do what we can for her...but she needs professional, qualified care to really work with her etc... so I don't know right now...I know I needed to write this out because the moment I heard his voice and then got off the phone with him and called my moms and eventually hung up with them because I was here at work...that stress and tension immediately manifested in my shoulders and neck and I am soooooorrrrrreeeeeeeeeeee! So...I'm really asking Ruach to make things clear to me as only He can...and show me what I must do. Most people would say worship, but I just got through reading how we use worship as a stress reliever and the altar as a place to drop off our problems etc. when it was all meant for YOU the sacrifice to get on it and die...and so i'm kind of stuck right now. But I know the clarity and the direction will come; in the mean time I decided to write it down to get it out of my system...while putting in practice standing and continuing to stand regardless! Whewwwwwwwww Woooooooooooooooooooooo Sahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

~bloodspeaks